On Love (Part 2)

Before I begin my post.. this is another blog that I ask whoever is reading this to please not be concerned that I am going down a dark depressive road because I'm not. I really shouldn't be posting my feelings on my blog.. but I just feel like it today. Dancing and writing are two very big outlets in my life, and they provide me.. a lot of temporary relief when I feel down.

I've been thinking a lot.. about going home.. which obviously I am very excited/very nervous about. It's a big hype in my mind because I've been thinking about home for quite a while now and the expectations are high. Most of the time, my mind wonders to.. love. .. which.. even though 2 months ago I wrote a very emotional blog (which is now hidden from the public for viewing) about... how love is beautiful.. love (between two people) is gone from my life. I don't want to be dramatic.. or.. prissy or whatever.. but.. there's a clear difference in my life now that I don't have someone to love.

Being in love to me.. felt like... how I imagine drugs to be. Lots of people say that when you take certain drugs your life is just never the same after, because.. nothing feels as good. And that's how I am with love.  As far back as I can remember.. I wanted so badly to be in love. And I truly really did believe I was in love. I didn't care what everyone else no matter how long they've known me or how well they know me said. And to those people, I'm really sorry I know you are all only looking out for the best for me and I appreciate every second of your support. 

I never ever in my entire life felt so complete and so happy and so perfect with another person. I guess when you're "in love"..you don't listen to possible warning signs of flaws, and even if there clearly is flaws, you ignore them because.. love is a feeling and sometimes, you just can't help that feeling.

But.. I guess.. I was wrong. And.. even today.. 2 months later.. I still don't know.. how to even begin to rebuild my heart. I surround myself with beautiful people all who can relate to the pain of heartbreak.We've all been there before and we're all fully aware that it hurts. I guess... it's easier when you're 100% over it and it doesn't hurt anymore. So.. I'm just waiting.. for that pain to go away. And I know it will..  I just wish it would away faster, because it hasn't been easy.

I understand when people say they don't want to fall in love ever again, because when your heart breaks.. it hurts really bad. It's worse than any physical pain I've ever felt. It's not something you can ice or.. that you can fix. I'm waiting.. for it to go away.. and I hope it does soon.

Okay that's it. Hang in there I know...