Fog Inside the Glass Around Your Summer Heart

Hello mid November. Sorry I haven't been updating my blog.. there has been a lack of inspiration..

November has proven pretty boring so far. It's kind of exactly how I imagined it would be.. waiting for something to happen. Don't ask me what that something is because I have no idea what it is. I've had a serious low of motivation this month because I have no idea where my life is going.  I almost feel more lost now than I did this summer when I was crying my guts out everyday.

My only outlet is dance. It keeps me going every week, so I'm very very lucky that I have it because it has bought me so much happiness recently that it's great.

I think that's it.. I wish I had more exciting news about life changes, but .. no :( I just.. try to live everyday.. make money to try to get close to making rent.. try to survive the day and smile when I can

Ware Tada Shiru Taru

Ahhh the zen gardens of Japan. How I miss the simple days of vacation with my family, traveling and learning about this world with so many endless cultures and people. I can't believe how lucky I have been this past year to have experienced so much joy and so much pain. It has definitely been one of the greatest, yet toughest years of my life. But I'm glad I'm living and learning, and until I run out of money (which could be very soon). I'm here.

Anyway! I remembered this fountain because my bff Karisa wants to get a tattoo, and I told her if I get another one it'll probably be this. Maybe I'll double check to make sure the Chinese translation is similar! :) There's many translations the literal translation is "I only know plenty". But I like to think of it as I am content with what I have. My mom said that this quote tells you that you should be content with what you have, so you shouldn't try to strive higher. I argued that I complain pretty much every day about my life, when in reality, I have a great life, and I really should start appreciating it more. 

I literally count down the weeks until I go home to Hawaii. I miss home, and my family, my friends, my Benz, my dogs, everything. It breaks my heart to think of them at home and me being so far away.  But then I think, I'm here, so I gotta make use of what I got. I said it from the start, I'm not staying here forever.. so lemme make the best out of it. 

So I'm trying! I'm really trying hard my friends. I want to have some great experiences and great stories to tell you. I want you all to be proud of me and make my vagabondage so far be worth while....

Until then.. enjoy Maitais (losers).

180 degrees

It's so crazy how much my life has changed.  Although the last couple months were a struggle.. and trust me it's still a struggle.. I live with the positive mentality that things can only get better, so even though times are hard.. it's just getting better.  When you only want the raw basics in life to be secure (job, house, and food), everything is considered a luxury. I strongly would suggest to anyone in this world to strip their self of everything that makes them comfortable so they learn how to challenge them self. It's a very scary and a little too real.. but it's very humbling. I know I will never ever take any luxury I have for granted and I feel unaware and ignorant for not realizing that earlier.

Anyway October life in NYC has been good. Lots and lots of dancing and working, and not much time for anything else. I can't afford a social life, but I try to get out and do the free thing as much as I can. I'm hoping paychecks will start rolling in and I can be a little less worried, but as I said earlier, I'm just trying to stay positive and work with what I got. It doesn't really bother me not being able to go out and get nuts and wear the best clothes and have the best social life, because I realize that I came to NYC to dance, and dancing is what I'm doing.

On another note.. I love working nonprofit. Because I'm broke and sober, I have a lot of time to be aware of this world and learn about things that I might otherwise be ignorant to. My non profit has taught me a lot about how meat is so bad for you.. and although I haven't given up meat completely, I have significantly cut down on all meat consumption, and have been spreading the word about it's health benefits.  I also have been involved in the community as a peer mentor, because eventually I would love to spend some time in Asia so Ive been meeting a lot of people who have traveled all over the world doing volunteer work. It's amazing to meet people from so many unique fun cultures and sharing stories with them. They love to hear about my stories growing up in Hawaii, and I love to hear their stories about their lives. It makes both of us educated and more open to this world.

Okay that's it bye.

Hello Fall!!

Friends seriously how is it Oct already? My rent is almost due and I'm broke, which means cereal.. and dollah menus all week long :).. ahh life of a starving artist is so painful yet so beautiful.  Unfortunately between the two internships, work study at the dance studio, and bar job, my social life has resorted to Facebook, but I'm a whole lot happier than I was 2 months ago because I'm doing what I love, and it's so beautiful to spend $$ on a dance class instead of materialistic things. I've always said that love is something that you can't explain.. it's something you feel in your heart.. that makes you completely happy. That's how I feel about dancing. I'm really not trying to become famous.. or be in music videos or whatever.. I do it.. because I love it. 

I was thinking today while I was in yoga (2nd favorite activity) .. I'm not gonna be able to dance forever.. I mean.. my body in comparison to.. 5 years ago.. gets tired faster, gets stiff the next day.. and recovers slower. So I'm determined to dance all I can as long as my body can handle it.  I meet so many people from BDC who love to dance and who are beautiful professional dancers, who could've chosen to go to college, or go to a normal whatever job. But they followed their passion and they're completely happy, even if it means being a starving artist.  I truly admire these people for knowing exactly what they want in life and going 100% towards that goal, and I only hope that I can learn to be as passionate as them.


In the meantime..

(stolen from Michelle's Facebook.. mahalos littlecrazyone)


LOVE IT

Stay beautiful my friends.

Wake Me Up When Sept Ends.

Holy Moly- Sept is flying by so fast.. which means 3 more months till paradise! I'm such a Hawaii girl it sucks.

Anyway. LIFE! Is crazy. But crazy in a good way. Ended my internship with the unnamed company (because I signed a NDA which I can't talk about the company). It was a great experience.. and I'm glad I did it.. but I'm excited to start fresh with a new company. Welcome to the world of NON PROFIT!!! It's pretty funny cause I'm going from sales at a start up to blogging for non profits.. two very vast ends of the spectrum but I know sales is not something I want to do (scratch that marketing degree) and writing is something I would like to try.  My mom's dreams of one of her daughters becoming a millionaire just flew out of the window .. sorry mom.

Oh and I'm gonna start work studying again at my old dance studio! So excited for that :) I miss dancing slash working out so much in general and I'm really excited to burn off all the great NYC food I've been eating. I'm officially gonna give up any social life I have and dance as much as I can because I know it's something that I love.

My bff Karisa came into town last week and only helped to confirm how much I miss home. I mean.. it's not as bad now as it was. I don't cry.. as much.. anymore. But I still miss home..as much as I did.. when I left it.  I wake up and the first thing on my mind is one day closer to home.  It almost seems sometimes that I force myself to be here.. Which.. yeah is true.. but I stick it out because everyone tells me.. and I think subconciously I just end up telling myself the same thing.

Money- is still nonexistant.. which is amazing seeing that I'm working almost 3 jobs. I wish it was easy to jump into real life but it's not. I keep telling myself that if I put in time now.. then later on down the road.. I'll be ahead of everyone.. I still don't know why I'm here.. I really don't. I'm not depressed.. but I don't want to be here.

I never appreciate it until it's gone.

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

I found that quote by Lewis Carroll.. the man whom so many members of my generation look towards to find some sort of higher truth involving various types of influences. What an amazing person. Anyway! That quote is dead on with my life this week. So many things going on.. but this week I'm trying to approach it at a positive attitude instead of a depressed one like last week (maybe that will work better).

Still apartment searching (getting closer though).. and still job searching (not close at all). Yesterday Mallory and I found the most amazing apartment located in an awesome neighborhood and even though I immediately put my interest in taking the apartment.. so did 4 other people.. so I'm trying not to think about it.

Even though I'm not getting anything done.. it's almost soothing to see all the other people in the same situation as me.  One of those at least I'm not the only one things. I mean it sucks.. really bad.. that there's so many people looking for a job/home.. and there's just not enough available. Some people are gonna find one.. some people will fail and go some where else.  That's just New York.. and why if you can make it here.. even for a little amount of time.. you can make it anywhere.  Even the worst in NY would be considered the best in other places. It's very humbling.. and super shitty at the same time.


My friends Mac got stolen this weekend... I know it could worse (sorry Steph!)

Hopefully next time I write I'll be talking about my amazing apartment.. or amazing job! I'll take either

Why so glum Lewis?

Ashley or Mary Kate Doing Yoga

News: I just did some research and it was Mary Kate Olsen... she also smokes a pack of cigarettes a day.

I was planning to stick to one blog a week but I have some exciting news!! I saw Ashley or Mary Kate at Yoga To The People yesterday!! Okay so I know I live in city now and I'm supposed to be "cool" or .. whatever but I was flipping out!! I think seeing an Olsen twin at yoga tops seeing Tyra Banks (at the peak of ANTM) at Broadway Dance Center. Anyway.. it was super funny cause.. I was the only one flipping out (of course) everyone else was in their meditation already but that was impossible for me cause ummm helloooo it's an OLSEN TWIN!!

Seeing famous people in normal life always trips me out.  I always go through a wide variety of emotions. Usually begins with me freaking out. Then after I calm down, I wonder what the heck they're doing in a "normal people place". Then I start thinking of how they're so lucky they became famous. I mean.. Mary Kate (or Ashley!) Olsen.. fame was pretty much thrown on her since the beginning. She was a millionaire before she even turned legal.. she could probably buy the whole entire yoga building..  but here she was.. at the free yoga class. Amongst the starving artists and entry level recent grads just trying to make it through the day without mentally breaking down.  Way to go Olsen twins! Down with the people.

Love you friends have a good weekend :)