How do you do it?

So what do you do? When the one person you loved with all your heart steps out of your life and leaves a huge gaping painful hole in your soul?

What's the secret?


Because it's been like 6 months already and it still hurts me everyday.

Addictions

I don't understand why it's so hard for me to get rid of the things that I know are bad for me. My friends tell me over and over and over again that I need to get rid of him. And I can't. For a person with such a strong personality, and such a strong will to live a full and happy life.. I'm an absolute fail when it comes to my heart.

Resolutions

How is it 2011 already? I remember when I was in elementary school.. I always accidentally wrote the wrong year on my homework and I would get in trouble for mistaking it. Years always past by faster than days for me. It's a little strange. I remember every hour of each day.. but then the year pasts, and all of a sudden I wonder if it was really last year that I was counting down the hours till work was done and I could get back to my comfy bed to sleep. And now I'm 24. I thought I was still a teenager! So crazy.

Trying not to think about it.. but I thought in light of the new years (2 weeks ago) I'd post my resolutions. I make resolutions every year but like most people get lazy mid year and never get them done.  But maybe this year will be my special year.

I guess my main resolution would be to find focus. I'm so add all the time running around doing thousands of different projects that provide brief moments of happiness.  Since graduating almost 2 years ago I've been a hot mess trying to find out what exactly I want to do in life. You would think that as one grows older it becomes more apparent what path you should take. In college if you asked me what I want to do in 5 years I wouldn't even think before answering that I wanted to move to NYC.  Now I'm here.. and I'm completely lost.  Every single morning I wake up and I have no idea where I want my life to go.. what I want to do .. or what my plans are. The feeling of instability freaks me out because I am the type of person who plans entire years in advanced. It freaks me out to not know where my life will be even in the next month.

Besides the complexity of pulling my life together all the rest of my resolutions seem so simple:

1) Visit 2 different countries this year.

2) Buy a new laptop (mine is from 2005.. it freezes every 10 min I'm on the internet.. it's time)

3) This will be my last year working in a restaurant/bar. It will always be the greatest years of my life.. but I feel like it's time. Please do not quote me on this because.. knowing me I'll go back.


4) By the end of this year start applying for grad schools. I've been delaying grad school for years simply because I don't want to go back. But I promised my parents I would go back and I refuse to be 30 and still in school.

5) Whatever I decide to do in the next 6 months.. be happy and be confident with my decision. Which will be a difficult one because I am never 100% happy with any decision (see old blogs).. but.. I'll work on it.

I think that's it.. Im not really sure because I think of new resolutions every week... but that's what the edit button is for right?

Broken Wings

I want a broken bird.... I want a bird that broke its wing and walked around until her wing was healed.  She can still fly but never like anybody else. Not like someone that never broke their wing. She was broken. key word...was. but always a bird.

 Kyle "125" Histatake's beautiful writing.

Hipster birds in Williamsburg

photo by SeamSters